Unlike many girls I know, I grew up a tomboy. It wasn’t until I was in my mid-twenties that it occurred to me that I was a grown woman and started desiring ‘womanly’ things like marriage and children. I didn’t have any specific ideas in mind…it was not something I had given serious though before.
I attended a church meeting once where the preacher encouraged everyone present to write a list of what they desired (depending on their situation). He asked the single ladies to be very detailed about the type of husbands they desired and when we were done, it went in a huge pile for prayers. At another fellowship months later, the preacher admonished those of us present that we should not dictate lists to God and if we had such lists, we should tear them up or burn them even.
In the following 10 years, I lost count of how many lists I wrote and tore up mentally and physically. I put out fleeces and mentally withdrew them (if you don’t know what this means please read Judges 6, especially verses 35 – 40). In that time, I met all sorts of men with different agenda but none seemed to click. Most were comfortable with my faith as long as I kept it to myself and it didn’t get in the way of our relationship. When our values conflicted, it was because I was being ‘holier than thou’. At some point, I was not even sure God was interested in the desires of my heart concerning a husband and I was ready to settle. I thought maybe everyone was right…maybe I was 30+ and single because I was being too ‘picky’.