For Single Ladies. You Are Not A Victim.

For Single Ladies. You Are Not A Victim.

It is easy to recognize a victim.
She is the lady who has a string of bad stories to tell about her relationships. She is the one who got hooked up with Paul, the playboy who took advantage of her and moved on with another lady. She has a story to tell about Lekan the leech, who made away with her money. She weeps when she talks about Albert, the abusive guy who abused her emotionally and physically until she broke up with him.

If you listen to her stories, you would think that the world is full of bad guys. You would think these men forced her to enter into a relationship with them. She paints the picture of a naïve lady who was completely clueless about the dynamics of a relationship. She makes it look like she was thrust into a strange world of relationships which she did not understand and didn’t know how to navigate. Her stories always make her look good and others look very bad.

You will never hear her tell you about the time she dated Max, the money bag who bought her a car and a flat. She wouldn’t tell you about how Max took her on expensive trips to exotic locations around the world. She wouldn’t tell you that it was her greed that pushed her into the relationship with Max whom she knew was married. She never tells you about how covetousness made her sell her conscience for the material things that Max offered her in exchange for sex.

Ah, sex! The victim never talks about her relationship with Steve, which was basically for sex and nothing else. She never talks about how the sex developed into a soul-tie that gave her emotional problems long after Steve had moved on with another one of his sex partners.

The victim makes no mention of Raymond, the guy who genuinely loved her and was willing to settle down with her. She never tells you how she lied to him that she was sick when she was on her way to Rio with Max, the money bag. She never talks about how she deceived Raymond into believing that the car was her own and her huge bank balance was an inheritance from her late uncle, not money from Max.

The victim always makes herself look good and everybody else look bad. She makes herself a saint, while every guy she dealt with was out to use and dump her. If we didn’t know any better, we would accept all her lies and pity her as a victim. But we know better, don’t we?

You are not a victim until you make yourself one. It is pathetic to go all around town telling your girl friends and anybody who cares to listen about how bad men are. The truth is that there are bad men and women. There are also good men and women. The reason why you got involved in unhealthy relationships was not because you were weak and clueless but because you chose to.

You saw all the red flags, yet you chose to ‘brave it’ and dated all the wrong men. You were unhappy and had no peace, but you forced yourself into those relationships because of covetousness. Your friends warned you about those guys but you told them that they were jealous of you as you flew around the world with Max, the money bag. Your mom warned you but you told her to leave you alone because you wanted to enjoy your life. Now you don’t look so smart after all, do you?

Let’s forget the sad events of your past and deal with your life in the now. The only way to stop being a victim is to accept responsibility for your mistakes, stubbornness and foolishness. You were wrong. Admit it. Tell yourself the truth and set yourself free from mental and emotional pain. You were responsible for those unhealthy relationships. Forgive yourself and give yourself the permission to love again and heal. This time around, you should look before you leap. You should watch out for the red flags before you give your heart to any man. You should develop your character and bring value into your relationships. Instead of looking for what you can gain, look for what value you can bring to your relationship. There is a good man waiting for you and he will never get attracted to a victim. He will get attracted to a good woman, a woman of character who takes responsibility for her life and actions. You can be that woman.




Filed under Single Ladies

8 responses to “For Single Ladies. You Are Not A Victim.

  1. i have been reading your books,eg:drive,compatibility etc.i like ur contributions to my life and want to be like u ,pls help me.

  2. Blessing

    I’ve learnt alot of things frm dis particular one dat is to say dat every sisters nd brothers has to b very careful on d kind of relationship they enter cos it has a long way to affect ones’ life so many heart has b broken cos of unhealthy relationship. PG God will inspire u more Amen.

  3. olawale

    Thank you once again Sir.Looking foraward to be mentored by you .



  5. Thank u sir for making my life a better 1. More grease 2 ur elbows!

  6. I just copied the entire last paragraph to save as a reference point 4d future.
    God bless you sir,this is God speaking through you.

  7. ishuwa hembafan

    Thank you sir your articles are a blessing.

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