Should You Tell Him EVERYTHING?

Should you tell him ‘EVERYTHING’? Guest Post by Abiola George

Tracy was excited when Charles asked her out. Just her kind of man, he was godly, funny, attentive, intelligent, kind and generous. He made it clear that he had strong values to uphold and did not pressure her into having sex with him…a first for her. She felt she could be herself with him and completely threw herself into a whirlwind romance.

A few weeks into their relationship, she decided it was time to lay herself bare and tell him ‘everything’ about her past. Although she was in her mid-twenties, she had made many mistakes in her past relationships and so far she had undergone a number of abortions, the last one barely months before they met. They had just spent a nice afternoon together when she decided to drop her bombshell.

He didn’t say anything in response to her confession and the day ended amicably enough. Only the next morning, he didn’t call. When I saw him a few weeks later and asked after his ‘babe’, he told me what had happened and asked what I thought. I told him he was lucky she trusted him enough to tell him the truth, but being someone who had very strict views about pre-marital sex, he could not even fathom how to carry on a relationship with someone who had gone ‘that far’. There was nothing I could say to appeal to his Christian values of forgiveness and acceptance. He just couldn’t handle it. So he broke up with her.

Tracy is now respectably married with children. She is married to another Christian man who I also know to be an upstanding person. And yes, she told him her story but it didn’t get in the way of his feelings for her enough for him not to go ahead with marrying her.

The first thing most people would say is that the second man is her husband and Charles was not really for her. I dont completely agree. Tracy and Charles’ story is not strange. It happens all the time and it leaves women asking, “Should I tell him everything?” when he asks “So tell me everything about your past”. Some even say that men can’t handle the truth, so don’t tell them.

So that you know where I stand, I believe that you should not have any secrets between you and your husband or husband to be. It is a risk, yes but one that will make your life together very peaceful. And from asking lots of questions, I now believe that the key to divulging your past is in the timing.

In the early stages of a relationship, a woman is quite clear if she can marry the man or not. I hear it’s not always the same for men and it may take some time for them to reach the decision to devote their life to that particular woman. Opening up fully about a past you are ashamed of at this stage interrupts his process of getting to know you and decide how he feels about you. It doesn’t make him a bad person (as it is possible even he has a worst past than you do), that is just human nature.

Most men agree that when they have made up their mind about a woman, it will take something MAJOR to change their minds. Also, most of them agree that if there is something to disclose, they would rather hear it directly from the lady and not from an outside source. Of course, relationships still break up at this stage, but the probability of it happening is less than if the timing was premature. I am sure we all know at least one former ‘bad girl’ who is now happily married to a decent man who knows all about her past.

So am I saying you shouldn’t be honest with your man? No, I am saying quite the opposite. If a man has not reached the stage where he is ready to commit to you, you do not owe him a blow-by-blow account of a past that you have moved away from. However, when he is ready (you will know when he asks you to marry him), you owe him the truth. He may still leave you at this point, but that’s okay. That is much better than going into a marriage based on a foundation of deception.



Filed under Teaching

26 responses to “Should You Tell Him EVERYTHING?

  1. Thank you sir for this…your posts speaks to me everytime.

  2. junewhittle

    This is a fantastic post. I totally agree with you that’s it’s best to be upfront. However, like you said timing is very important. I have always laid my cards on the table & it’s been the best thing. Secrets have a way of being exposed sooner or later & can damage a potentially good relationship. God bless.

  3. junewhittle

    This is a fantastic post. I totally agree with you. It’s important to be upfront but like you said, timing is very important. I have always laid my cards on the table. Secrets have a way of coming out & can destroy a potentially good relationship. God bless.

  4. sillo eyitemi

    I personally have had my fair share of opening up nd keeping quiet!
    May God help us as ladies.
    I styl tell dem,no matter what!

  5. Febisola

    Infact, i really luv dis post. May God continue 2 giv u wisdom 2 write more of dis.

  6. Juliet

    I lov ds helps 2 equip our mind in some cases but,some guys cant bear it wen d truth is reveled.

  7. myriam

    Thank you very helpful and the previous one too.

  8. Iromara Hope

    I love dis post. Its very very educative. Am so happy coming across it cos it has really given d answers to my questions.

  9. Okemena

    the man ‘Praise George’ is a blessing to humanity & when i look at him & the things he does, i say to myself; ‘he sure is fulfilling purpose’. thanks a lot.

  10. Chigirl

    Taks Sir 4 u advice nw i no what 2 do n wen 2 tel d truth, tak u

  11. Hope

    Am so sure i have learnt alot from u thanks so much may God bless u

  12. Adebanji Esther

    your writings have always been true. it’s a a great post. you’re really talking to we ladies. thank you uncle Praise George

  13. Akerele oluwaseun

    Infact this has rely tourch me,am so happy for dis kind of message,
    may God bless u

  14. john michael ogbeche

    this is the best, am i permitted to publish this?

  15. Abrife Raphael

    I must appreciate de gud work almighty God is using u 2 do especially in de area of rlatnship, i pray may he continue 2 open door s of blessing n favor u all u do in jesus name Amen.

  16. Michael okpenson isaac

    May d Almighty n all sufficient king increase your ministry n blezz u wit long life as kip opening our eyes (youth)2 wat d devil has programmed 2 mar our future God blezz u sir i envy ur n i’ve always asked God 2 grant men lik u d graze 2 mak till d end tnx sir

  17. Sir i love ur books.but i have a problem my guy broke up with me because of his family,but stil calling 2 ask hw am doing what dose that mean

  18. Sir, this post is on point. I needed to hear this. God bless you

  19. Melissa

    What a great post! It’s the truth because the man that truly loves you, will understand you, understand that you have a past, and love you for getting that stuff out of your system-lol so you can move on in life. He will treat you as the a Queen. SO do you have a blog about when you can’t let go of your past or if you feel like you past haunts you?!

  20. Reblogged this on graceokpo and commented:
    My sentiments exactly!

  21. Its complecated Sir atleast i will have it at my finger tips that such thing can happen

  22. Uhure Rosemary Isioma

    Wow.wonderful story.God bless you sir.i really have learnt

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