Marriage is for the mature.
Marriage is a blessing.
It is a holy institution that launches your life into a totally new level of experience. It is a life-long commitment to someone you love and care for. To rush into marriage without proper preparation is unwise. To think that marriage is an escape route from loneliness is a costly mistake. To think that all marriage offers is sex and more sex is to live in a delusion that will break your heart. Marriage is a journey of discovery and it takes the prepared to go on this journey.
Some people in an attempt to escape from their boring, unhappy and failing lives make an ill-advised decision to get married. However, when they finally get into it, they realize that the battles you face in marriage are more than what you faced as a single person. Marriage is a completely new experience for the single person and you must be prepared for it.
Maturity has nothing to do with age. Maturity is your ability to handle the pressures, demands and responsibilities of marriage and make your marriage work. A 21 year old lady who is mature will get married before a 30 year old lady who still thinks like a child.
Maturity is on many levels. Are you emotionally mature? If you cannot keep your emotions in check, you are not ready to live with another human being in a marriage. There are people who go crazy at any little grievance by their partner. They are always on edge and seem to secretly wish that their partner should just make a mistake and they immediately pounce on him/her. For their own good, such people shouldn’t get into marriage because it will be a major disaster. It is unwise to get married to an angry person because your marriage will constantly be full of tension and stress. If you have anger issues, deal with them before you move in the direction of marriage.
Marriage is not for the unhappy. ‘Two cannot walk together successfully unless they are happy’. If you are not happy with where you presently are in life, you will bring that same unhappiness into your marriage and poison it with your bile. Your partner cannot make you happy. However, your partner can enhance your happiness in ways that elevate you emotionally. In marriage, it is your duty and responsibility to bring happiness into the life of your partner. It is not an easy task. The secret is to start from making yourself happy, then you will be in a position to bring happiness to your partner.
Are you mature enough to make your own life work? If your life is not working, what makes you think that by hooking up with another person it will automatically begin to work? What happens most times is that the partner who is weak may end up pulling down the one who is strong. For marriage to be successful, both partners should work on their individual lives to make sure it works.
Spiritual maturity has to do with the level of your spiritual connection with the Lord. It has to do with your inner peace, joy, strength and fortitude. Some people have no ‘spiritual lives’ whatsoever. They have no meaningful relationship with the Lord but expect that somehow, their marriage will work. This is a mistake. Life is tough as it is and we require all the help we can get to make our lives work. A spiritual relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ is the foundation for a successful life and marriage. Inner strength and peace flows from the spiritual relationship we have with the Lord. If you have no inner peace, you will bring nothing but problems to your partner in marriage. It is your responsibility to build yourself up spiritually. The benefits will be a blessing to you and your spouse in your marriage.
Financial maturity has to do with your ability to handle your financial matters. Some marriages fail because of the inability of the partners to handle financial challenges which they were not prepared for. If you cannot successfully handle your own financial matters, what makes you think you will be able to handle the financial matters of TWO people?
Marriage takes life to a whole new level. Instead of thinking of and for yourself, you are now forced to think of and for TWO people. If you couldn’t handle thinking for yourself, what makes you think that you will be able to think for two people? If you don’t care enough for yourself, what makes you think that you can care for two people? Marriage is not for the selfish. You have to be able to think beyond yourself and think of the welfare and the well being of another person. I spend time thinking about my wife’s happiness, ministry, career and future. When I invest in her life, she will in turn invest positively in our marriage.
Love is not enough to make a marriage work. You may love your partner deeply but if you are not emotionally prepared for the challenges that lie ahead in marriage, you should pause before you make that leap into marriage. I will encourage you to first work on yourself emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially. Make your own life work. Unlock the happiness within you. Tap into the centre of your joy. This is when you will be in a position to be a blessing to yourself and your partner in marriage.